Never Knew
by moodyreindeer
Summary: Stevie has an eating disorder. She did a good job at hiding it from her friends. Until one day, her body gave out. Who was there for?


**Hey. This couple has caught my eye. Ever since the first episode. But, with my luck, this couple won't happen. But anyway, I'll probably put up more one-shots of this Stevie and Zander soon. Not sure when.**

**And this is based off a great novel called 'Wintergirls' that I highly reccommened to anyone looking for a good book to read. So this might seem a bit confusing but it will clear up.**

**P.S., I am just guessing on all the carb and calorie numbers.**

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><p>I watched in pure disgust as my friends stuff their faces. Don't they understand how much grease and sodium they're stuffing themseleves with?<p>

"Want some?" Kevin asked, his mouth full as he pushed some gross chili-cheese fries (185) right in my face. _(I want to stuff myself until the plate is empty.) _I hold back a disgusted face and shake my head quickly. "I'm good," I added while reaching for my orange (40) that sat unpeeled in front of me.

Zander shot me a weird look, but I ignored it; I've learned to do that since I was in middle school. Everyone's having a lunch that included chili-cheese fries (185), half of a ham and cheese sandwhich (75), and little cartons of chocolate milk (150). Except me, who had an orange (40) and a fat-free strawberry smoothie (100).

It wouldn't stay in my stomach long.

"You've been acting weird lately," Kacey stated bluntly, staring at me, almost as if _analyzing _me. Zander nodded in agreement. "Yeah, What's up with you?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "None of your business," I said sharply, averting my eyes to anything but them and the trays of gross food around me.

_(The smells makes me want to eat it all until I can't breathe.)_

I grabbed my smoothie and drink it quickly, not letting myself taste it as it traveled down my throat. Soon after a orange slice followed.

Glancing at my watch, I had 10 minutes until lunch ended. "I gotta go," I muttered, wondering if anyone heard me or not. Probably not, between Kacey never looking up from her phone, Kevin and Nelson fighting over some stupid video game level, and Zander checking himself out in a tiny make-up mirror.

The bathroom reeked of perfume and soap as I entered. I was banned from being here. And if I was caught, Molly and Grace would surely try to ruin me. But that's didn't stop the food coming up as my finger was jabbed down my throat. I watched as everything came up-orange, smoothie, and half a bagel (38). When I'm done, I leaned against the stall wall and breathed. would I ever stop? No. I can't go back to looking like _that _again.

Never again.

The gagingly pretty smell of vanilla and lilac soothed me slightly as I climbed to my feet. I flushed the toliet to hide the mess and walked out of the stall and the bathroom. The hall was empty and quiet. A sign that classes had started. I made my way to my locker, doing the combination as slowly as possible. My hands were shaking. I was stalling. I didn't want to go to class. It's not that there was anything to avoid (expected the Perfs and their drama), but I just didn't want to deal with anything at that moment.

I needed to escape.

The metal door opened and my hand grabbed my bag before shutting the locker a little rougher than meant to and jogging down the hall. My body doesn't agree with that. It was trying to get to stop. I just scowled and pushed forward.

The cafeteria is a room with a floor buried in trash from lunch. _(That chili sent is making me drool.) _I wrinkled my nose and breathed through my mouth until I was out of the room and down the hall that led to stairs. I climbed them two at a time, eager to get away from everything. The door is unlocked, which surprised me. But at least I didn't have to pick the lock like usual. But that usually meant someone else had already beaten me there.

This was supposed to be where I turned and walked away, not wanting to deal with ayone in my special spot. But I frowned and silently pulled the heavy metal door open. I closed it just as soundlessly and tiptoed my way to the green house. The school was weird that way. Having a huge green house on the roof, But I didn't really care. It made it more easy to skip class and not get caught. The fountain was standing in it's place. Smack dab in the center of the room, watering flowing from it calmly. I sighed quietly, still keeping in mind there was a inturder in my land.

My bag fell to my feet as I sat down, leaning back so the cold, cool marble was pressing into my spine. There were too many things to do; sleep, write, draw, think, read, or just rest. The room was still, which I found kinda strange. Wouldn't that someone be making some sort of noise? Or did they somehow hear me and went silent as well?

I didn't pay much attention to it, not really caring anymore. I unzipped my bag and pulled out a notebook. My _secret _notebook. Page after page filled with reports and weights and ideas. Lisa and I had written so many entries, that it came as natural as breathing soon.

But she was gone, leaving me with all the weight of our bonded problems. My mom had warned me that this would happen, that Lisa would take being skinny too far. But she didn't understand it; nobody did. She had won. She was champion. She had been the most skinny girl.

Now I was left with nothing but to compete with her record and try to beat it. I thought about that as I flipped open the notebook.

**XXX**

_Ate a muffin and half a bagel. Went on a 5-mile run to burn off calories. Lost 2 pounds. Need to lose more._

**XXX**

_Spent five hours on the treadmill with only two bathroom breaks. Ate nothing but an apple_

_and drank three bottles of water._

**XXX**

The last entry had been a couple weeks ago, the day after Lisa had been found in a motel room, facedown in her own vomit. Dead. I had been so into reading our blogs, that I didn't notice someone had sat down next to me. "What's that?" a voice asked. I bit back a scream of surprised. Turing it to see who it was, I came face-to-face with none other than Zander. "You scared me," I said nervously, stalling, hoping he didn't ask again.

"Sorry," Zander said, but was eyeing my notebook. When I still covering from being startled, he snatched it from my grip. "Give it back," I growled as he held it from my reach. Zander shook his head and opened it, standing from his spot next to me on the ground and started to skimmed the pages. I started to stand, but something inside me snapped. My legs gave out and my slammed into the smooth marble edge of the fountain.

"Stevie!"

Everything turned black.

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><p>"Oh my god."<p>

That's the first thing I heard. My body felt weak. I couldn't help it anymore. I wanted food. I wanted to be so full that I would explode. Urgent voices made my head pound. I wasn't laying on the rough floor of the roof anymore. This felt more comfortable. Like a bed.

"What happened?"

Kasey was there. So was Zander. I could tell from the way he told the story from beginign to end. If those two were there, that mostly likely meant Kevin and Nelson were by their side. But what was bugging was, where was here?

I groaned, trying to sit up with causing myself to much pain. All sounds stopped, pleasing my headache. My eyes stayed closed for a second, before a hesitantly opened them. I was in the nurse's office, laying on a cot identical to the other ones around my. Zander was sitting in a chair next to it, with the rest of my friends standing around the cot, looking worried.

"Thank God," Zander exclaimed as he hugged me tightly. I didn't hug back; I didn't hav e the strength to. Kacey and the rest of the guys left the room quietly, slipping unnoticed by Zander.

"What happened?" I groaned when he let go. The pounding in my head was back. "Don't you remember?" he asked worriedly. "No," I responded. "Everything is a blur."

So he told me everyhthing. I nodded, but was only half listening. That was until he mentioned the notebook. "I saw what was in it," he said quietly. "Please don't do this to yourself." I looked away. But Zander just grabbed my chin, leading my face back to his. "Promise me," Zander said, leaning his forehead on mine. "Kiss me then," I said firmly. He smirked then crashed our lips together.

Soon I was smashed to the cot by Zander crawling on top of me, his hand working through my hair.

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><p>A few weeks later, I was back to eating, Zander making sure that I ate enough to keep me going. And every time I ate everything on my tray at lunch, he'd kiss me.<p>

So now that everything was back to normal, Nelson got to together with Grace (didn't see that coming), and Kevin finally got his chence with the new girl Raven.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the rushed ending. I just really needed to upload this.<strong>


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